10:41 a.m. - 2002-04-15
[but as for me - I'm coming to my final failure, I've killed myself with changes trying to make things better, and ended up becoming something other than what I had planned to be]
I had a job as the girl who does absolutely nothing at this very messy place. you had to walk on a thin rope in order to get to the offices, the elevator didn't go that far.
I lived in the same apartment with a man who raped and killed someone very close to me. he didn't know that I knew. he was short, balding, in his forties, wore glasses. one day I came into his room and asked him exactly what he did to her/him. he started joking about it and when I started crying and demanded to know, he told me that if I said another word he'd kill me. I locked myself in the white room, wore a blond wig and sneaked outside the window, to ask for help. no one believed me, not even my own sister. I then began to hone my plans of how to make him go away, I tried to kill him several times by pushing him down the stairs. at some point he was sick of me hating him so much and he decided to move out.
I knew there's something at my work place that I just had to pick up. Noel and Craig came with me, I tried getting into the elevator but Mark was there, holding 20 hockey sticks. he told me it's too much and didn't let me in. I finally went in, Noel and Craig took the thin rope and then the fire escape stairs. I looked down and they were one floor under me.
I was going home happy cause I knew that that bitch moved out, I only hoped he didn't take all my stuff, especially the aquarium with the two tiny black fish. I heard music from my room, someone was playing "teenage time bomb", I started going faster, I walked straight into my room and found Craig there, he was going through all my shit. he was holding the old rusty nails someone once gave me and a whole bunch of other stuff and told me that it's embarrassing to have so much sentimental crap in your room and that I should give it all to him. without waiting for a response, he started picking up stuff and putting it in his pockets.
