7:45 p.m. - 2002-04-15
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lost my pen and another boring subway ride had followed. the ugly man with the red face and broken nuts shattered the window into pieces with his fist and I sat in all my glory right on the concrete and shared a cigarette with the friendliest homeless guy I've ever met. no one notices when the train is turning cause it's so long. I walked into the bathroom at work and locked the door behind me and started crying for what seemed to be hours with no reason. harrassing midgets, the smell of spring and people are playing frizby in the park. I feel exhausted and my back really hurts and now I want you to locate the J section in your library and burn everything I've ever said to you cause right now I don't even feel like a person, more like a small bag of meat and bones. I'm full of shit.
if I could just dissapear right now it would be ok. I feel like no one is really waiting for me in this place I recently started to call "home". I lift my eyes a little higher and look at planes with nostalgia again. this time not the familiar one, but the unknown. I'm tired and I need a break and this time I'm not going to ask for your help cause I know it will never come, but ignore and avoid until I feel alive again.
